Experimentation and Development

Friday 30. 08.2013   PAF

Today I wake up half hour later and with a red eye. It seems that the project works good at least regarding the dis-composition of my left side (associated with the female energy for some people). This fit with the deconstruction of identity. I won’t be surprised if one day I wake up with a real mustache…but only on the right side

The tasks of today are:

1. Write the other 23 letters of Fenias Dictionary.
2. Make a research about MAI.
3. Start writing  a scenario about the female and male encounter. About what they are going to speak? How they meet?
4. Make the video “man in the mirror” based to the yesterday performance, which it was not documented.
5. Keep reading some pages from the book of Reich>
6. Ask for a recorder.
7. Transport info to the body data map.

As always I have in my mind many ideas. So the real task will be to make at least 3 of them.

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http://www.culturebot.org/2012/05/13561/what-performance-art-can-learn-contemporary-performance-practices/

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-13167360

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The eye’s condition disturbs. I didn’t really worked today.

29.09 2013

Room 116.  P.A.F.                        

22.00

First presentation in front of my peers and the two tutors in order to get feedback.

The presentation was made at 22.10 in the small room 116. I was walking around till to find the “right space” then I understood that it was not about the form, it’s not the moment to concern about the way and the form or format which will present my work..It s about the content and how to go deeper…and it’s something to remember constantly.Anyway I choose the empty room next to mine. It was more intimate space and compact space. When they came inside the could accommodate their selves to bed or stand on their feet. The first thing they did was to give  a look to the body data map on the wall.

The I started reading the underlined words of my first text>

“Who Fenia is 32 58 brown hair long very thin male energy that someone attacks her feels sorry make money makes me uncomfortable real chaos the worst jump without warning when I speak I have the fear others won’t listen at me power is coming out honey small chin although when I look at them in the mirror I fin them attractive impressing the others find excuses cries easily to deal with rejection afraid is egoist dance is sleeping inside bottles empty bottles 100o foto in facebook lose herself analyse her past exaggerate Fenia would like to learn how to climb as a boy to the tree smiles Fotini new name is octopus thinks  with glasses and a pipe  each plokami holds a different object a book a feather a broken glass a letter a flower an other smaller octopus a root a chocolate a photo a thread and scissors sits on clepsidra  

Then I went more in to specific by showing the video with Fenia’s poses

P for Poses from Foteini K on Vimeo.

and the 1 minute video with  the  naked dance in the space >”Fenia tries not being beautiful while she is dancing”.

Follows the next unedited video where I speak about the “thing” while I am in front of the mirror making a beard using some of my hair. When the text finishes I close the light of the mirror.

Feedback

Pavlos experiences the presentation as a tour guide in a museum where something unimportant was coming and presenting as something very important. Like a village that has museums to present the more important things you can find in it. What is important and what is not? In case that takes this direction it has to be well made in order to “convince” the viewer for the big importance of the exposed object/subject. I like this idea that comes out.

Then he made the association with the creation of the new institute of Marina Abramovic. He asked me to what position I take about this event. To look the adv of Abramovic with lady Gaga. Museum as a place of ego-centrism.

http://www.marinaabramovicinstitute.org/

Naked dance> not at all a dance where I don’t try to be beautiful> a combination of a juicy  Isadora Duncan, contemporary dancing techniques, reminding of  Lady Gaga and Abramovic running naked for MAI adv.  Do you make fun of yourself? And why to try not being beautiful?

In fact the whole frame and the way I move to the space cannot be considered as ugly. This video is more> Fenia being beautiful while dancing.I am wondering how much really ugly can I be and why this would be necessary to discover. Where is placed and how ugliness is presented  in relation to identity? What means to be ugly?It has only aesthetic criteria?Already I follow a kind of aesthetics that characterizes me. Do I need to consider it? to change it?

Mythic- Big rather than Mythological. In my idea to depict or use the symbolic image of octopus coming out from the automatic writing, Pavlos question is how much necessary is to make something mythological. the whole thing is already surrealistic and is more mythic than mythological. How much needs the audience to see something that is not realistic?

Hiding> Why do you hide the foto? Why there is no here the figure of the  Father?Why and what is censored?

On the body data map there where 3 foto (grandfather, brother, mother). These foto were turned in the opposite side so u could see their faces. On the white side was written only who is in the foto. Vagia noticed that also in the unedited video I start by saying that I hide the thing  about which I speak. This brings to my mind the discussion we had with Pavlos about the censorship. If I decide to write a dictionary for example what do I include and what I don’t? what do I censor and why?

So this it will be very important to reflect on> What do I hide, from whom and if not to whom is accessible the hidden information? I like the idea to have a “secret” space where the most awkward/strange/unspoken things are accessible to some people? who is going to have access?how the audience discover them?

JAN asked me what do I want to do with this two characters (male and female). When and where do they meet each other? What happens with them?

An epic movie?

A video where these two parts are discussing about something. A conversation. An encounter where they taking to each other. A scenario of seduction/making love or whatever the fantasy recalls.

Use Fantasy.

Vagia> I liked the fact that you started with one identity and you finished with an other one.. not only physically, aesthetically but also as behavior, body language, expression. This it could be interesting as another way to present the work..slowly slowly to change to be transformed almost in a imperceptible way.

 Also I didn’t understand about what you were speaking in the video> what kind of thing is?

This is a “thing” that can be one of the “secrets”. I don’t reveal it yet.

A question that u can put in relation to the video where u dance trying to be ugly is “why u  think that this is ugly?”.

Vagia shows me a video where she thinks to be ugly. It is ugly because she founds it “sick”. On the other hand I found it interesting and not for sure ugly. So which are are the criteria to define something as ugly? and especially regarding the MOVEMENT.

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Many things to consider and to reflect before or while I am going on. Next step> go out of the room and take a walk outside in the countryside.

Thursday 29.09.2013 PAF

Today, I wake up in better mood. Time for practice. 

The task is to make 24 video samples about basic characteristics/concepts regarding Fenia in order to define more precisely her identity. Who is, what she is doing, how she is doing it, why she is doing it.  The task is to take this empty space and convert it in the most interesting encyclopedia ever existed!

 Some info I found on web about encyclopedia is that>

Encyclopedia: always a work in progress.

• list of entries/topics
• index
• cross references
• definitions
• examples
• illustrations
• maps
• biography
• statistics
• dictionary> linguistic information.
• the myth

It s a type of reference work-a compendium holding a summary of information. It focus on factual information to cover the thing or concept for which the article name stands. It collects knowledge disseminated around the globe.

“Encyclo”: enkyklios> circular, recurrent, general.

“Paedia”: education, rearing of child.

Let’s make an example

FIRST EXAMPLE:

POSE 

 Free dictionary:

1. To assume or hold a particular position or posture, as in sitting for a portrait.

2. To affect a particular mental attitude.

3. To represent oneself falsely; pretend to be other than what one is.

or

1. A bodily attitude or position, especially one assumed for an artist or a photographer.

2. A studied attitude assumed for effect

Follows a VIDEO with the main poses of Fenia when she is in front of someone she likes. 

I am aware the last years how I change my body language in front of someone that I like. Even if I can feel this change I don’t stop it. So it was not so much difficult  to represent or simulate this action without to be in a real context.

I choosed one of the spaces in PAF and I realized afterwords (and especially with Pavlos feedback and observations)that this choice, made because of my preference and not because of its functionality, was suitable for a “romantic situation” (because fenia is romantic). 

In the afternoon I had a meeting with Jan..at the end of the discussion Jan told me that he didn’t understand anything. So it was time to so something. Okay it’s time to let my fucking complicating and overwhelmed brain and DO something that after I will expose.

One of the main difficulties I have is the conditions of the medium I use. The PC is getting slower and slower and in some points crashes. In this lies the risk in one moment to lose everything and not be able to use technology or to spend more time to do something (like editing, elaborating foto material, researching online, writing in blog). So I am depended on technology. What I want to create has a virtual character. Is the virtual “fake”? How much “real” is what I present?

 

P for Poses from Foteini K on Vimeo.

Wednesday 28.08.2013 PAF

The plan for today was to collect material about myself. At the end of the day, I have a body map with my outline hanged on the wall, a text from 1hour automatic writing about myself (4 pages A4), 1 text about my feelings regarding a “secret” object, 55 Foto of my body and its different parts. After the work of today the ideas become more clear but at the same time I realize that indeed this project is about Me; therefore I start feeling a bit uncomfortable. From this non- comfortable space and the conscious  self-obsessive occupation to collecting material about myself,  it will come out the real answer on why I am doing  a project like that and why it could be interesting for someone to watch. I start understanding that is not so easy and simple work to do.

• How much distance do I take from myself in order to discover, explore, document myself? This first text is written sometimes in the 3rd person and sometimes in the 1st person.
• What Fenia is?What Fenia represents? Is Fenia, Fotini? Fotini and Fenia are the same person? (Fotini is my real name, that my family and friends from childhood and school times use to call me. Fenia is a name that my first dance teacher gave to me and that stays the way to present my self in the field of art. How much the name defines yourself?Why an artist choose a different name to present and sign for his/her work?
• Is it artistic process or an other kind of psychoanalysis?
• Where is my alter ego, Leo?which is his role?

Idea: Making an encyclopedia of Fenia by creating an interactive space -an interactive  ENCYCLOPEDIA where all the information/references/maps/dictionary/history about Fenia are exposed.

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Link: Woody Allen. movie. Self presentation.

Tuesday 27 August 13.   P.A.F.

1st day.

PAF is an amazing place, an old monastery, a massive space with a strong energy coming out from walls, corridors, rooms, objects…A place where so many people lived for long or short periods of time. Past, present and future coexist in each corner and stories have been traced on the air….You are here to add something…your own story…a story that the ghosts of the place will narrate at each others in their secret gathering every dawn…But you don´t need to care about the ghosts. They care about you and they are here to assist you when is needed. In the meantime you have to keep working on your ideas till something to come out…Something that worth to share with others. 

First day (Monday). I arrive after a long trip form Brussels, with a bacterial infection on my medium finger of the left hand, an inflammation on the left foot, a lost MP3, tiredness because of so many travels through Greece and abroad, a bit of sadness and lack of energy. We were welcomed from a bunch of people, ready for a performance/presentation of someone. We gathered in the garden…oh there are peacocks and a beautiful friendly cat. ..We sat and a piano music was travelling on the air. Some windows opened. The pianist inside. We outside…I cannot say if I liked it or not.What I know is that I was needed this moment of silent. The silent of the music in an unknown place. ..After that we were ready to make a short tour…Rooms, studios, kitchen, bathrooms, library, media space, roof, garden, dining room, washing room, the green room, the dance room, the room for smokers, sofas, vintage objects and furniture, some people, the cat, a chapel, roses, trees, traces of previous artists…yes, I am in the right place…I choose the room 115, because I like the wooden bed and  the view from the window. The bed seems quit old with its thick dark brown frame and the soft mattress. From the window, green colors of the grass, some trees, a table with some chairs…Who was staying before me, and before him/her, and before..and before..?Who was the first person to look at this window?What s/he was seeing?Who slept first in this bed?What s/he dreamed of?…I like this unspoken stories of people that shared the same space with me… I think of this each time I am in an abandoned or old place…Past…is related with past…past is attractive…past is seductive…past is a curious place to be…past connects you with the ghosts…

Anyway my “research” supposes not being about ghosts,  past and haunted places. Although for sure exists some connection.

When I came here, the idea was very much theoretical and quite generic: The construction and deconstruction of Identity. The question that I started with was: “Who I would be, if I was not me?”. But from there, as it happens always to me, my mind get overwhelmed by philosophical analysis, theories and ideas.Some day ago I had also a discussion with a friend of mine , Costas, who tried to challenge me through questions and opposite argumentation. The first confrontation. Certainly not the last one.

TUESDAY. It is important to clarify more and more my ideas and the direction I want to take day by day. At this helped the first two encounters  and discussions about the project with Pavlos K. and Jan R.

Meeting with Pavlos.

Keywords: identity, structure, masks, ruins, hybrid, lexicon, censorship, self-obsession, narcissism, satisfaction, body map, myth, truth,definition, automatic writing, portrait, me.

Some points from our discussion.

• U use the improvisation as a way to avoid the structure.
• In dance u trying to be beautiful, u have a feminine quality and u fall on the trap of doing the same things without challenging yourself and pushing the boundaries.
• RUINS (in relation to the space we are): how do you find the ruins of yourself?How u destroy yourself as artist/person/dancer and create a new one?
• At the beginning you lose yourself..at the end you find it.
• If u want to use the video as medium, where is the research question? How you use it differently from other artists. Do you want to make a film?
• Making a portrait of who Fenia is. How important is to be exact?
• If you ask other people what they think about you, you see more things about the others than about you.
• Regrading the information you gather: How u use them?how do you perform them?Are u critical?Do u make fun of them? You want to show the identity, you want to destroy it?
• Which is the truth? where is the myth?
• What is the language in use for discovering yourself?
• Hybrid: a specific category that needs a certain definition. What is it? How is made?
• Lexikon of yourself: what is included and what not? How is made?Is it a book?is it video?is it performance?a website?

Lexikon of Fenia.  Fenia becomes element of discovery. Making a research on how does work a Lexikon. Finding words and expression that explain who Fenia is. Examples. A body map. Historical parts. References.

• Is it a fact of transformation?
• This moment who is Fenia? show me that.
• Self obsession and narcissism. Where this finishes?does have an end?
• Where is the satisfaction?
• Why this is attractive for the audience?Why is it important for me doing that?to heart yourself?to purge myself and find catharsis?to make fun of me?
• For example: This is me writing about me>in this way the audience is placed in clear position

Action plan for WED:

ME. Presentation of myself.

1. Automatic writing of 1 hour about myself;picking up elements and information. What do I use and what I don´t? What am I doing with the non used things(self wastes)?Nothing is thrown away.
2. Pictures of different parts of the body. Measurements. Explanations.
3. Using the outline of myself for making a body map. I have to find a material that is appropriate
4. Making a video of presentation.

Image: self map on the ruined wall.

Meeting with Jan

Keywords: boy, girl, mask, restriction, desire, occupy, space, free, speak, open, home, loud, dare,

“Why for God shake do you make to yourself such a question?”.

The discussion with Jan was more specific,  regarding mainly the gender, male and female elements in relation to Identity. He asked me if my parents wanted me to be a boy. Do I feel a boy? What does mean to feel boy or girl?Precisely, what is exactly the masculine perspective I am longing for? How would I dressed as male that feels very good?What is the exact feeling of being a girl?Which male figure would you like to be?How do I make sex?

Portray yourself how you are now. (Both  asked me to do that). My answer both times was similar. Although the discussion with Jan went more deep. (home and belonging in relation  to my self and body). It seems that anyway the first thing to do is to portray myself in order to have a starting point.

EXPERIMENT with yourself is different thing from MAKING A PERFORMANCE.

Schopenhauer : What you wish is what you do and not what you saying to want.

Antonia Baehr: artist to look at.

In this discussion came up my experience with Diane Torr and the construction of my male persona during her workshop. As well Rebetiko was referred.

• occupy space
• speak out and loud.
• dare.
• don´t be afraid.
• speak like man.
• be less vs not be

What means to be open?

Maybe what you want to do is to

FREE YOURSELF FROM YOURSELF (meaning the restrictions).

J:Do you hate me?

F:No….Should I?

J:Do you love me?

F:No…It´s too early.

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I start thinking about the role of the others (Jan, Pavlos, Peers, people/artists coming and leaving from PAf, the cat Enzo etc) and how they influence my work and this process. After speaking with both I understood that my topic is still generic and can follow different interpretations and directions. From this two dialogues and conversations I have to take out the main point interesting for me.

The main task for WED is the presentation of myself, through my eyes.