Experimentation and Development

 

 

During this module I was very engaged from the beginning to the end, concentrated and punctual to the date lines. I became more systematic and methodical in the way I studied theoretical material and expressed myself in written form. My blog is an explanatory and informative example of my development. It is interesting to read, synthetic and accessible to people who are not involved with the module. I learned to use different methods during my research in a productive way, although this kind of systematization in the theoretical aspects of my work is not still visible in the practical aspect. In fact there is still a chaotic element with regard to the presentation of my work, the organization and planning of my rehearsals – the steps I have to take for a clear process of experimentation in studio.

This chaotic element is sometimes combined with lack of clarity that can confuse those assisting my work. I demonstrated the tendency to take into consideration the format and to be more worried about how I deliver my work to others instead of focussing on the content behind the product of my research. This is also an indication that I want to consider all the details and aspects of my work, although the risk is to stay on the surface, lose the main point of my research and to not work on the quality of the different parts. Technology and other media like video, editing, photography, made my research supported by different tools but at times they took over without being clear to me how they could be used efficiently. Sometimes technology became the “easy” way to experiment rather than going deeper into experimentation by using what I really have always available:my Body. I could have taken more risks and challenged myself more concerning practical aspects. However I really challenged some self boundaries and I reconsidered the way I usually work.

Regarding collaboration with other people, I was collaborative, supportive,open minded, available and full engaged without losing my compass and orientation regarding my research . I was open to any kind of feedback and I always tried to reflect on it and use it in an efficient and productive way in order to go deeper and develop my work. Sometimes it was difficult to apply the theory into practice and embody thoughts and reflections after the feedback but I didn´t give up the effort. I tried successfully to adapt myself quickly to new circumstances and take what each place had to give me despite difficulties like in PAF. Sometimes I thought and reflected more than necessary.

I had difficulties finding a thread to make the content of my research clearer but in the end I managed to conclude my residency in PAF with more a clearer definition of what my project is about and the nexts steps I would like to take thanks to my spirit, complete engagement and of course the help and support of my tutors and peers.

AND NOW TIME TO GO A STEP FURTHER…

 

The Grandfather reveals as the Imaginary. A person that died when I was very little. Maybe less that five. What I have actually in my mind is one image. Of him sitting on his bed in the hospital; I see his curved back. I have the feeling that my parents didn’t want me to go and see him cause I was very little to be so close to death.

Although the last years the figure of my grandfather is present. I can imagine him as I would like. I wish I could have met him for longer time. I remember my grandmother (his sister) speaking about him and narrate stories from this family with 3 brothers and 2 sisters. He  was the youngest.

Here is the translation of my mother’s narration based on my questions of some days ago:

As you know your uncle knows more because he has the opportunity to live with him . Although I will say what I know. He born in 1924. By being the youngest in the family, he had the most benefits …. He was the beloved ! He went to high school , the times that very few children were going. He was smart , sociable , warm and smiling, with lots of friends , something like you …….! He was always involved to conversations and discussions of any topic ……He was headstrong, he didn’t like to say the same thing twice ….. You had one chance to figure out what he was saying . He was listening a lot of music and he was reading read too. Any kind of book that was falling  into his hands : from comic books till banned political books . He liked the good life . Fiesta, dance, festivals and everything else then existed. He was involved in everything. I do not remember well, but he was singing as other people saying. Definitely he was dancing, indeed ZEIBEKIKO ! He was drinking the usual shells when he was going out , but he smoked a lot , though he stopped when he was about 55 years old. Regarding  the “dressing”, and in general the “grooming”, he was the ultimate definition of ” skittish person ” (Which is the male of  coquetta? ? ? Coquetto ? Haha ). He  was proud and didn’t hesitate to tell roughly his opinion in public , even if he knew that this might have bad consequences, (Regarding politics , He was about to reach a step before the exile during Dictatorship …. ). He was getting angry and he used to curse , but his anger was lasting little . At a young age , and before marrying he suffered y vertebral- arthritis, which created to him a curving back in pain and neck stiffness, thing that  complicated the movement of the head , neck ….. He was a farmer, and for many years was butcher in the village. Favorite food I doubt he ever had ; he was eating very little. Food was not his first concern …. When I grew up , I discovered that there were many people who admire him , I do not know exactly why , but they were seemed proud to have been friends of him. Even now there are people to say that…… and one of them would be glad to talk to you ( His friend Ferla ). Since I was kid, people were used telling me < Nionios , stubborn head > Why? ? ? ? ?

Do you find there are similarities with you? ? ? ?

Yes I like to believe that I was similar in certain things with my Grandfather. I like to imagine him as I desire. He exists as long exists in my mind.

On the 6th Sept 2013 took place the 3rd presentation.

This time the space I choose was my actual room , where I stay the last two weeks.

I decided to use this space because of the intimacy that characterizes it. I spent as less time I could to prepare the space, remembering the feedback of not losing and waste time on preparing things. On that moment was a decision that I felt I should take in order the presentation to be a “presentation”. In the space I put all the elements that I used during the process of research> video projection, the two model-dolls, my papers and note, the boots, the pieces of the destroyed body data map, photos etc. The people were accommodated inside my bed. It was an interesting image form that moment but I knew that in this way I was creating expectations that I wasn’t probably ready to satisfy. In fact I was feeling that this was another experiment and a part of me was observing me and on the other hand I was trying to concentrate on my action. The clear thing to me was that I was not  clear yet. While the presentation was taking place It was projected on the wall a video

Scanning from Foteini K on Vimeo.

In some point I finished the presentation and I started to speak about and analysed declared that the real presentation was starting from this point.

I made clear about my tendency to be interesting about the format, the way that I present something. On the other hand inside the realm of improvisation I was trying to put myself in an uncomfortable space. and a part of me was observing how I was proceeding.

I could feel that the presentation was one more time out of my complete control.

Too much improvisation doesn’t make it a good improvisation.

     

FEEDBACK>

IRENE>

It is interesting, funny and intimate that you chosen your room as a place to present.

I could see your effort to clean up and make order in the chaos, that u think while you see.

I liked the idea about “Satisfaction”. Need to be explored in many ways.

I became confused on the way.

Frustration ans Anger 

Why do you have an obsession with the “penis”? Do u want to have one? Are you afraid of it? Makes you angry?

The interesting thing is what you don’t want to be in order to find what you want. 

Throw what you don’t want. Clean up the process.

From  April I think you don’t show also how fragile you are.

VAGIA> You use the substractive method.

What is left was real for me.

The video is not defined yet. Why this research? Do u really want to define the Gender? Also not define the gender can be interesting.

What do you mean as satisfaction? Do you have to cover it from all the points.

Seems that personal needs are related to satisfaction.

Chaotic. After a while I lose the point.

I didn’t understand your question. Another way to help you?

PAVLOS>

It is clear that there was a SCRIPT.

The first Part is about Mannerism and Representation. The second part is “real”.

Both are problematic because they are not consistent. Which are the modes and the things that you really throw away, that you want to get rid of them?

How do you embody them?

What makes the difference of the first part from the second one? I don’t see an essential difference.

Can you speak about the dick as a metaphor?

Participation of the audience. I can see your struggle and the conventional mechanisms like giving paper to the audience to write ideas.

I was pissed off with this experience.

For me it was  a step back/ 

You thing too much about the format than trying to understand what you have.

Definition through negation can be  a method but I miss elements.

The way to throw things from the room is still manneristic.

Mannerism versus content.

…………………………………………………………

 

This project will end when I will manage to climb on the trees like a boy.

This project will end when I will dance  zeibekiko as  my grandfather did in my imagination.

This project will end when I will have the voice that will be used to scare the ghost of the Other.

This project will end when I will love the worst elements of my Father.

This project will end when the puzzle of Me will be completed.

This project will end when the Me won’t include anymore only me(s)

This project will end when You will have taken something from Me.

This project has already started long time ago and will take much more time .

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

http://athinklab.com/2013/04/20/the-psychology-of-selfies-narcissism-or-self-exploration/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-Made_Men

https://www.msu.edu/~ozimekj/courses/thr212/Project_Example_Self_Portrait.pdf

http://blog.oup.com/2010/06/kahlo_portrait/

http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/428512/august-26-2013/5-x-five—summer-roundup–anthony-weiner

http://heinonline.org/HOL/Page?handle=hein.journals/bufwlj15&collection=journals

Self Made Man Review by Stryker_12

 

 Kim Dingle

 

 

Robert Arneson

 

  Cindy Sherman

………………………….

 

Thursday 5 /9 2013 PAF

Back to the studio.

Some old boots

A camera

A  broken tripod

My PC

A brush

Mirrors.

The Manichean

 

I AM STILL SOMEWHERE IN THE IN BETWEEN 

How is to watch and observe your self through a mirror? I chosen to use the broken in two mirror. My reflection, my image broken in two pieces. The same face but two portions. I was thinking of my grandfather  spending long time in front of the mirror brushing and fixing his hair. What exactly was I? a girl?a boyish girl? a girly boy? without a (fake) mustache or beard, wig and clothes to define a male figure (recognizable in general terms). How can you “feel” as a boy without trying to look like aesthetically first? I remember Christine saying when she went in that gay club with friends: I was feeling like a Man. I didn’t have into my mind to dress or behave physically as if I was a man. I was feeling a Man.

unedited video

By Watching again the video I can see that (my) man is associated with> inner anger expressed through the gaze, stiffness, inflexible face, smaller eyes,  rectangle jaw, thick eyebrows. I noticed that also in the workshop with Diane Torr, Man for a day, the male persona emerged slowly was carried with an “angry” energy. An inner anger that is accumulated becomes more visible when the “male” face comes in the surface.

………………

I am in a point where I feel to have lost my way to get satisfaction when I rehearse, experiment things, playing with video. Why has to be interesting for someone to watch and spend time for something that is about me? Yes, it’s great to discover things but why do I have to share it with the others?In which way can I do it? How can get rid of the judgment but not of the critical way to analyse things in order to define and solve my “problems”?Do I need to get rid of the tools or to change the way I am using them? This kind of questions are running through my head.

Feedback from PAVLOS (the discussion was long and very much interesting and inspiring. Still not possible to remember the exact words but for sure I have registered the spirit of the discussion)

• CRITERIA> crisis. They have to be traced to the final product that it will make it different from any other possible final product.
• TIME>long process. Research. Yes, it is a painful process and needs time.
• SATISFACTION>where is it coming from? Narcissism, Need? 
• Being ALONE>3 heads at 1. When u are alone you don’t have the possibility to rely on someone else, to share or give the responsibility of choices or actions, to have another point of you(external). But still u have to continue.
• Feedback> to feed someone back> giving food 
• Master> being master of myself , of my work, knowing where I stand and why.
• Tools> which is the way I use them? which elements make it to work? why doesn’t work?
• What do I have discovered that is different or important for me and in a certain extent for the others? How do I deliver this?
• ITHAKI> when u start this journey towards Ithaki wish and desire to be a long journey. And wish never to arrive there. When u arrive the dream becomes nightmare: you realize that your wife was fucked from half island, your son wants to kill you, and your dog is dead.But keep on travelling.
• Quality vs Quantity.
• Always you end up to the question> What art is and why are you doing it?
• SELECTION> there is a point where u have to through away what is not anymore necessary.
• Methodology> what you are called to do is to find your own methodology of working.
• You try to IMAGINE the new thing without have finished the work/the research.
• From generic to specific or the opposite. A mater of decision.
• “I STAY HERE IN MY PLACE”.
• There are other things that you haven’t tried them and from which you can get the elements u need for your development.

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Visual byproduct

moment of ” feeling like a man”

 Moment of being as I am in the studio

 Trying being Fenia

 The missing element

 

Video>

Mirroring from Foteini K on Vimeo.

Scanning from Foteini K on Vimeo.