Tuesday 03.09.2013 PAF
My mother answers in my questions. I read them and I feel so touched. Tears.
A man from whom I have 2 or 3 vague memories. A man with whom I am connected because of our history written in the same book..A question of genes, what we call “the same blood”? His story passes infiltrated to my story. I know him but I don’t know him. What do I keep from him in this research and how do I “translate” psycho physically these elements/info?
Τα περισσοτερα, οπως καταλαβαίνεις τα ξέρει ο θείος σου…. που τον εζησε απο κοντα. Θα σου πω ομως κι εγω αυτα που ξερω,,,, Γεννηθηκε το 1924 και επειδη ηταν ο μικροτερος στην οικογενεια ειχε και τα περισσοτερα προνομια…. ηταν ο χαιδεμενος! Πηγε στο γυμνασιο, τοτε που πολυ λιγα παιδια πηγαιναν, ηταν εξυπνος, κοινωνικος, ζεστος και γελαστος, με παρα πολλους φιλους, κατι σαν εσενα…….! Ηταν παντα μεσα σ’ολα τα θέματα, σ’ολες τις συζητησεις…… Ισχυρογνωμων σε πολλα, δεν του αρεσε να λεει το ιδιο πραγμα δυο φορες….. επρεπε να τον καταλαβεις με τη μια. Ακουγε πολλη μουσικη και διαβαζε παρα πολυ. Οτι βιβλιο του επεφτε στα χερια: απο κομικς μεχρι απαγορευμενα πολιτικα βιβλια. Του αρεσε πολυ η καλοπεραση. Γλεντια, χοροι, πανηγυρια και οτι αλλο υπηρχε τοτε, σ’ολα μεσα. Δεν θυμαμαι καλα, αλλα μαλλον τραγουδουσε, καλα εννοω, απ’οτι ελεγαν. Αλλα χορευε σιγουρα, και μαλιστα ζειμπεκικο!! Επινε στα συνηθισμενα πλαισια οταν εβγαινε εξω, αλλα καπνιζε αρκετα, αν και το σταματησε οταν γυρω στα 55 του χρονια. Οσο για το ντυσιμο, και γενικως την περιποιηση, ηταν ο απολυτος ορισμός της “κοκετας” (πως ειναι αληθεια στο αρσενικο;;; κοκετος; χαχα) Ηταν περηφανος και δεν δισταζε δημοσια να πει την αποψη του ωμα, εστω και αν ηξερε πως αυτο μπορει να ειχε ασχημες επιπτωσεις, (οπως και ειχε πολιτικα, με αποτελεσμα να φτασει ενα βημα πριν την εξορια στην χουντα….) Θυμωνε και βλασφημουσε, αλλα του περνουσε γρηγορα. Σε νεαρη ηλικια και πριν παντρευτει επαθε σπονδυλο-αρθριτιδα, που του δημιουργησε την κυρτωση στην πλατη και δυσκαμψια στον αυχενα, αυτο τον δυσκολευε στην κινηση του κεφαλιου του, του αυχενα….. Η δουλεια του ηταν αγροτης, και παραλληλα για πολλα χρονια ειχε το κρεοπωλειο στο χωριο. Αγαπημενο φαγητο αμφιβαλλω αν ειχε ποτε, ετρωγε πολυ λιγο, και δεν ηταν το πρωτο του μελημα…. Οταν μεγαλωσα, διαπιστωσα οτι ηταν πολλοι οι ανθρωποι που τον θαυμαζαν, δεν ξερω ακριβως το γιατι, αλλα μου εδειχναν οτι ηταν περηφανοι που ειχαν υπαρξει φιλοι του. Ακομα και τωρα υπαρχουν ατομα που μου το λενε…… και ενας απο αυτους θα χαιροταν να σου μιλησει (ο φιλος του ο Φερλες) Παρενθεση: Απο μικρη μου ελεγαν: <Νιόνιο, αγύριστο κεφαλι> Γιατι αληθεια;;;;;
Βρισκεις να του μοιαζεις καπου;;;;
*I will try to translate it.
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Thoughts stimulating after Pavlos comment regarding psychoanalysis and choreography.
So far as I perceive Psychoanalysis is a way/method of understanding yourself includes also an understanding of what you are doing. I see choreography as something that you build up slowly, a kind of architectural building made with the traces of your deeper understanding regarding yourself and the topic that concerns you at the present moment.
But the relationship between choreography and psychoanalysis is more complex, I think.
Sometimes we use to analyse things for the shake of doing it. Sometimes we choreograph just for the shake to do it. When we skip this kind of intention> Doing for the shake of Doing, we can deal with psychoanalysis and choreography as processes towards the discovery of “truth”. Here comes in my mind the concept of “truths” according Badiou…as something that is not static and not appears in the context of knowledge. Something that changes constantly, moments of a fluid state. ( In this point I would like to ask if we can have a lecture regarding Badiou concepts of event and truth in relation to the moment of performance).
Regarding the main difficulty and where the hard work is, I feel and believe that concerns the Honesty. In order to have an efficient function any kind of analysis I believe that the element of Honesty is relevant, is the key. It’s these one moment of honesty that is difficult to be externalized and shared in a presentation or performance. Therefore, I start believing that the best choreography is the one that never will be re-staged/re-presented, re-performed.Like the dance. The nest dance is the one that you haven’t danced yet. But this doesn’t mean that there is no worth in all these attempts to bring back that moment of honesty. What u can do is to find the way to bring the essence of that moment. This is the hard work.
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FEEDBACK-Tutorial
The image that could reflect the point and the state in which I am after almost 9 days of research is>
One of the rooms of this big old renovated monastery, probably the cave, with all the material that I have collected up to now>video , foto, thoughts ….all these pieces and outcomes that maybe worth or not..Like in the bins, always u can find a treasure..or not.
And me in another room. Sitting in the middle of the space in a chair, crossed dressed as a man but without fake beard…the whole surface of the floor is covered by photos..3 different photo in copies> of my grandfather, my brother and of my father..but without their faces.
Actually I was thinking the way that I could “present” on Sunday (day of presentation, final feedback and evaluation) before leaving from PAF. So I discussed this with Pavlos
Pavlos regarding the process
- WAIT….WAIT ACTIVELY. I think that very often my spontaneity, imagination, intuition and the state of Epifania (term in the way that it was explained by Pavlos some days ago and I found very inspiring.* in which I find myself to be in certain moments > “I got IT”, makes me to a little bit rush. I have a certain conclusion in my mind and I direct the things in that direction but without to have finished my research. Although I think its nice to have the imagination active I realize that I have to be patience. I have still at least 3 days of work
- Which is the quintessence of your research? Your thesis? You need to find and collect all these elements that will compose at the end the core of your research, a thesis that it will be the combination of the basic principles and concepts emerged from your research.
- LANGUAGE> the language you will use in order to deliver your thesis has to be coherent and rooted to the concept.
- CONTENT AND LANGUAGE WILL EXPRESS THE CONCEPT.
- What are you trying to convince me about with your presentation as audience?I perceive the word convince as being sure about what are you doing.
- ANTEVORTA and CRITERIA where the work is based. They have not been defined in a functional and essential way. I think that making your own manifesto is difficult. I think the main difficulty was that I hadn’t complete and deep understanding of certain concepts regarding the books (Zizek, Agamben, Badiou) which we had to read and base our Manifesto/Antevorta. After our discussion I understood how it works and how can function as a way/methodology for making more structured work. I need to digest certain concepts. Of course I believe that you can also understand when you try to apply them in your practice. When you don’t have a deep understanding of a concept u can probably fall in representation, association or a failure. But I find it still a good way to learn. Although it would be helpful a lecture for the clarification of certain concepts.
- Find this kind of concepts that you think are related to your own project and we can have an one to one lecture session. Otherwise, if I speak generally you risk to follow new stimuli like the last time when the evening before we had a lecture about the relationship between audience and performance and you focused your presentation of the day after on that topic.
- Watch the film Being John Malkovich.
Regarding the project
- Figure of Father. Where is it? Is missing his image. Still I think I want to work in the figures of the grandfather (past)and brother(present) before going to the father figure. But anyway I think indirectly there are coming out things in relation to this figure.
- Concept on Gift( Zizek) that u could check.
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Yesterday I had a very interesting discussion with an other resident here in PAF, Christine about gender roles, constructed identity, the bipolar relation female-male. She told me about her experience as crossed dressed FTM (female to male). She spoke about the importance of “feeling” male as a more convincing way than the outfit.
I go back to the question that Jan made me in the first encounter>
WHAT DOES MEAN TO FEEL GIRL? WHAT DOES MEAN FOR YOU TO FEEL A BOY?
Anyway…very nice discussion.
And today she sent me an article by a
DONNA HARAWAY, “A CYBORG MANIFESTO
SCIENCE, TECHNOLOGY, AND SOCIALIST-FEMINISM IN THE LATE TWENTIETH CENTURY,” IN SIMIANS, CYBORGS AND WOMEN: THE REINVENTION OF NATURE (NEW YORK; ROUTLEDGE, 1991), PP.149-181.
http://www.egs.edu/faculty/donna-haraway/articles/donna-haraway-a-cyborg-manifesto/
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Kim Dingle
Cindy Sherman
The missing element
