P.A.F 05.09

Thursday 5 /9 2013 PAF

Back to the studio.

Some old boots

A camera

A  broken tripod

My PC

A brush

Mirrors.

The Manichean

I AM STILL SOMEWHERE IN THE IN BETWEEN 

How is to watch and observe your self through a mirror? I chosen to use the broken in two mirror. My reflection, my image broken in two pieces. The same face but two portions. I was thinking of my grandfather  spending long time in front of the mirror brushing and fixing his hair. What exactly was I? a girl?a boyish girl? a girly boy? without a (fake) mustache or beard, wig and clothes to define a male figure (recognizable in general terms). How can you “feel” as a boy without trying to look like aesthetically first? I remember Christine saying when she went in that gay club with friends: I was feeling like a Man. I didn’t have into my mind to dress or behave physically as if I was a man. I was feeling a Man.

unedited video

By Watching again the video I can see that (my) man is associated with> inner anger expressed through the gaze, stiffness, inflexible face, smaller eyes,  rectangle jaw, thick eyebrows. I noticed that also in the workshop with Diane Torr, Man for a day, the male persona emerged slowly was carried with an “angry” energy. An inner anger that is accumulated becomes more visible when the “male” face comes in the surface.

………………

I am in a point where I feel to have lost my way to get satisfaction when I rehearse, experiment things, playing with video. Why has to be interesting for someone to watch and spend time for something that is about me? Yes, it’s great to discover things but why do I have to share it with the others?In which way can I do it? How can get rid of the judgment but not of the critical way to analyse things in order to define and solve my “problems”?Do I need to get rid of the tools or to change the way I am using them? This kind of questions are running through my head.

Feedback from PAVLOS (the discussion was long and very much interesting and inspiring. Still not possible to remember the exact words but for sure I have registered the spirit of the discussion)

• CRITERIA> crisis. They have to be traced to the final product that it will make it different from any other possible final product.
• TIME>long process. Research. Yes, it is a painful process and needs time.
• SATISFACTION>where is it coming from? Narcissism, Need? 
• Being ALONE>3 heads at 1. When u are alone you don’t have the possibility to rely on someone else, to share or give the responsibility of choices or actions, to have another point of you(external). But still u have to continue.
• Feedback> to feed someone back> giving food 
• Master> being master of myself , of my work, knowing where I stand and why.
• Tools> which is the way I use them? which elements make it to work? why doesn’t work?
• What do I have discovered that is different or important for me and in a certain extent for the others? How do I deliver this?
• ITHAKI> when u start this journey towards Ithaki wish and desire to be a long journey. And wish never to arrive there. When u arrive the dream becomes nightmare: you realize that your wife was fucked from half island, your son wants to kill you, and your dog is dead.But keep on travelling.
• Quality vs Quantity.
• Always you end up to the question> What art is and why are you doing it?
• SELECTION> there is a point where u have to through away what is not anymore necessary.
• Methodology> what you are called to do is to find your own methodology of working.
• You try to IMAGINE the new thing without have finished the work/the research.
• From generic to specific or the opposite. A mater of decision.
• “I STAY HERE IN MY PLACE”.
• There are other things that you haven’t tried them and from which you can get the elements u need for your development.

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Visual byproduct

moment of ” feeling like a man”

 Moment of being as I am in the studio

 Trying being Fenia

 The missing element

Video>

Mirroring from Foteini K on Vimeo.

Scanning from Foteini K on Vimeo.